About

Karma

Do you ever feel like karma is getting back to you. Like those old mistakes that you thought were harmless are now getting back to you? It feels like you’re finally paying your debt for all the shady shit that comes out of your mind.

That one time you told your girlfriend that your ex was harmless, that it wasn’t serious and here you are sitting down in the shoes of your current girlfriend while she speaks to her ex like they were best friends.

Funny isn’t it?

I don’t want to be that crazy girlfriend that tells you not to talk to your friends you know but it’s different when your friend is also your ex. It’s a completely different connection and feeling that past person have a connection.

 

Is this real? 

It seems so perfect that it feels so unreal. The fact that I can not only connect with this person physically but mentally at the same time. She stimulates my mind and sparks up a flame of knowledge that I didn’t even know existed. It’s all a fire that starts inside of me and I just go blank when your hazel eyes look at me. I can read you. I can read every single thought that is going through your mind and you can do the same. We connect. We connect so easily it’s so unfair. 

The side 

I lay here as an empty shell. Emotionless and calm. I’m a piece of seaweed that has been pushed into the middle of the waves. I’m drowning as I see the soft bottom of the ocean. Sparkly and deadly glass slices across the floor and I gargle a breath of water. I wish I was more flexible in my emotions, that I wouldn’t feel like an anchor holding myself down in the depths of the ocean. ​

You’re so addicting

i bit the forbidden apple

I want more

I want more of you

more of your touch against my delicate hands

more of your warmth.

 

You’re forbidden fruit,

you’re not mine

but you’re calling out my name.

 

You’re forbidden fruit,

my hands are touching you

and here we are.

Drunk thoughts 12:57am

Even through the hardest things I still stood next to you. I held your hand and I told you that I loved you and what did you do? You stood next to me and watched me drown in my own sorrow. You sat there and judged me while I was sinking into a stepper hole. I sat there and watched you look at me in the eyes and laugh. Why? Why did you let me die and sink into my own thoughts of mixed bricks of emotions. 

I’m realizing that people come and go. They sit here and analyze how their future will be with you and disregard the fact that soon enough you won’t be in the same solar system as them. I feel like every heartbreak is just a thorn that got stuck under your finger and blisters up until you take them out completely. You start deleting all their pictures, you start changing the aura of your room so the candles that you light up aren’t the same smell as her clothes. Mohagonay wood, that was the absolute smell that lingers in my room even after I have emptied the candle but kept its shell.

I keep your stuff still and things that remind me of you like your pictures that have been taken down from my wall but not thrown away. I have your shirt and even though I haven’t gotten rid of it and washed away your smell. The shirt symbolizes the time I didn’t have an extra shirt and I took yours home. 

You’re stuck in my mind like a piece of glue when you’re walking by life and it gets stuck. It’s stuck forever and as much as you try to scrape it off your sole, there’s always a reminder. 

Hidden Gem

You lied, the words you carefully wrote knowing your heart would sink in guilt and panic. You lied, not once but twice because you felt like I would never find out, yet the evidence came to me without me searching for it. It melted into my hands and pulled me from every corner of my body. I thought I trusted you, always wondered but never answered to my own intuition.

I confronted you, I gave you the benefit of the doubt and you still lied.

Was I just a hidden gem this whole time for you? For nobody to see but for you to know. Just for you.

Wouldn’t it be easier if I just pushed people away at the first sign of attachement. If I detached myself from love and the burning pain that comes with it. 

Sometimes I think to myself why I open up to so many people and let them in. Why do I let someone be a visitor to my soul when they’re just journalists to write down and initiate my pain. 

We always do this to ourselves, we want more but settle for less and that’s why I decided to just take a break to myself. Love myself and appreciate my existence on Earth. 

Monday blues 

I felt empty today, I was stuck in bed because it seemed like darkness was more acceptable than light. I drowned my self under the layers of my blankets and gathered all my emotions inside. Empty. I felt absolutely hollow in my own shell. I wasn’t upset or mad. I was just empty, no emotions, no thoughts just empty. I wasn’t hungry and even if my tongue was searching for food, I wasn’t supplying it. I haven’t washed the dishes that are in the sink. I haven’t taken the laundry out of the drier yet, and I’m still in bed. I don’t know why or how long this will take but anything is better than this. 

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