jumping rocks

How do you explain to someone that suicide is on your mind constantly? It’s not like you want to attempt it or anything but it’s also that little voice in your mind when you are standing on the edge of the rock and it’s telling you to jump. I don’t know if it’s my depression speaking to me or what but it feels like a little darkness creeping over my shoulder.

I’m not depressed, or at least I don’t feel like I am. I don’t know why I feel like this. Everything is going good in my life at least that’s what I think. I got that internship I really wanted, I’m traveling, I’m in love with my partner, and I’ve been taking my dogs on long walks to the river after work.

Maybe it’s fall approaching and I’m scared I’m going to show my ugly side to my girlfriend. She’s never seen me dead ass depressed, like the days when I’m calling of f work because I don’t want to get out of bed. Or when I go days without brushing or showing because it seems like the biggest burden.

Self harm is creeping over my shoulder, it’s saying hello once again but I know I”m strong enough to not let it get to me.

Hopefully this is just something I can shrug off, or maybe I’m just tired.

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